Love Thyself

The Bible teaches us to “love thy neighbor as thyself”. It’s a great idea except for one thing: most of us aren’t very good at loving ourselves.

Our competitive society pushes us to constantly try to do more, to achieve more, to be the best. We want to be smarter, more attractive, and more successful. If we don’t live up to our expectations we beat ourselves up with self-criticism, telling ourselves we are fat, lazy, or stupid.

Most of us treat others a whole lot better than we treat ourselves. Think of things you tell yourself when you mess up or fail to achieve a goal. I bet you would never say some of those things to a friend or even a stranger.

We think that being hard on ourselves is important for self-discipline. But self-criticism erodes our confidence, making us feel insecure and inadequate, which reduces our motivation. Because self-compassion is caring about ourselves, it makes us want to grow and reach our full potential.

In her new book, Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff explains that we should seek self-compassion rather than self-esteem. Feelings of self-esteem come from being special or above average. This requires that we compare ourselves with others. When we don’t measure up, our self-esteem takes a direct hit. People with self-compassion are more secure, which makes them more resilient in the face of difficulties.

Dr. Neff explains that having self-compassion is similar to feeling compassion for others. The first step is to notice suffering. When you make a mistake recognize that you feel badly about it, that you are disappointed or upset. The second step is to respond by being kind, caring, and supportive toward yourself. The third step is to recognize that imperfection is part of the human experience. Remind yourself that nobody is perfect, not even you!

People who have self-compassion are happier, more optimistic, and less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. So be kind to yourself. Accept the imperfect nature of humanity and love yourself despite that fact that you aren’t perfect.