Making Progress Makes Us Happy
As much as I enjoy summer, I am always frustrated with the lack of progress I make in my work when the kids are out of school. I try my best to keep up with my blog and I do get a lot of reading done, but it is hard to find the time to work on bigger projects.
So I have to admit I was quite excited this week when the kids returned to school. I can finally get back to business. I know that setting and achieving goals will increase my positivity. In his latest book Flourish, Martin Seligman includes “accomplishment” as one of the central elements of well-being. It makes us feel good to master something.
According to another theory described in The Progress Principle, people are most satisfied at work when they have the opportunity to experience achievement. We typically feel that our best days are those when we have made consistent, meaningful progress, while our worst days are when we have setbacks.
So now that I have more time to work, I want to make sure that I spend my time effectively in order to make real progress towards accomplishing my goals. I have identified 3 main goals that I hope to achieve by the end of the year and I have broken them down into specific action steps that I need to take in order to accomplish them.
Each day I will schedule 90 minute chunks of uninterrupted time to work on the activities necessary for achieving my goals. Darren Hardy, the editor of Success Magazine, suggests this as a way to ensure that you are being productive. It is so easy to waste time on email and social media! This way I will make sure that the important things get done.
We can all increase our happiness by making progress towards our goals. What advice do you have for being more productive?
Smile Because it Happened
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss
We recently returned from a fabulous summer vacation. We visited beautiful places and spent quality time with friends and family who live far away. It was about as close to perfect as it gets. But now we are home and I am completely overwhelmed by a filthy house, loads of dirty clothes, and a list longer than my arm of back-to-school to-dos. Ugh!
It is so easy to fall into the post-vacation blues. But I’m not going to let that happen. One of the reasons spending money on experiences makes us happier than spending money on things is that we not only enjoy the experience, but we get a boost of positive emotions while anticipating the experience and we also enjoy positive emotions as we remember the experience. So I am making a conscious effort not to let the stresses I have returned to cause me to forget about the wonderful time I just had.
I am following Dr. Seuss’s suggestion to smile because it happened, rather than cry because it is over. Savoring happy memories is a great way to stay positive. So last night at the dinner table I asked the kids what their favorite part of our vacation was. We had a fun conversation remembering little details and special moments. Right now I’m drinking coffee out of a mug from the beach where we stayed that my grandmother gave me. Each time I pick it up it makes me smile. And I am making time between orthodontist appointments, haircuts, paying bills, and back-to-school shopping to download the pictures I took. I will pick out my favorites and put them in a digital album to send to my family so they can also savor the happy memories.
It can be hard to return to reality after being away on vacation. But you can avoid the post-vacation blues. Don’t feel sorry for yourself that the good times are over. Feel blessed for having had the experience and savor the memories.
Find Confidence and Keep Your Promises
In reviewing Tim Sanders’ book, Today We Are Rich, I have blogged about staying positive and about being grateful, generous and confident. Here are the last 2 principles for becoming rich in spirit:
The sixth principle is confidence. Tim believes that a rich sense of self comes from having confidence in yourself, trust in others, and faith in a higher power. Your self-image defines the boundaries that you can achieve. You can only do something if you believe in yourself. But you can’t do it alone! Your confidence is greater when you trust in others. When you expect people on your team to succeed they most likely will. Finally, believing in a higher power, whether it is God or something else, allows you to relax, have faith, and get to work on the task at hand.
One of my favorite “pearls” from Today We Are Rich is the difference between passion and purpose. Passion focuses on self, what you want. Having a purpose means using your talents to make a difference to others. Tim believes that purpose leads to greater joy because fulfilling the needs of others gives you a sense of meaning.
The seventh and final principle is keeping promises. Doing what you say you are going to do gives you a sense of integrity and self-respect. A great piece of advice is to “keep your promises because of who you are, not because of who they are.”
Most promises are broken out of a lack of persistence. According to Tim, one of the most important personal-development projects you can undertake is to practice persistence. He suggests that when you are ready to quit take one more step, try one more time. Many people fail because they give up too soon. Don’t be one of them!
I guess it is obvious that I thought Today We Are Rich was a great book. I’d love to know what you think about it. Which of Tim’s suggestions have made the biggest impact for you?
Be Grateful, Be Generous and Be Prepared
In my last blog I discussed the first 2 principles for gaining confidence that Tim Sanders shares in his book, Today We Are Rich. Here are 3 more:
The third principle is gratitude. Tim explains that gratitude is like a muscle that needs to be exercised daily. It takes effort to notice and appreciate what is good in life. One way to feel grateful is to think about a time in your past when you had less to be thankful for. My favorite suggestion is to turn “have-tos” into “get-tos” by reframing obligations as opportunities.
The fourth principle is giving. According to Tim’s grandmother, giving is a wonder drug. It makes you feel better because you are focusing on other people’s needs and on your own assets, thus taking your mind off of your weaknesses. When you give what you feel you lack your subconscious perceives there to be a surplus. So the next time you are stressed because you don’t feel like you have enough time, make a point to give some of your time to someone else. This sounds a bit crazy, but it seems to work!
The fifth principle is preparation. When people are prepared they are more resilient in the face of difficulties and more proactive when shown opportunity. Tim mentions many ways to be prepared such as reading, networking, mentorizing (having and being a mentor at the same time), and self-educating.
He also believes strongly in rehearsing for performances (i.e. speaking, meetings, proposals) both physically in front of a mirror and mentally through visualization. Rehearsal allows your subconscious to do some of the work so that you are free to observe, adapt, and better handle distractions or objections. Tim warns against the busywork trap when we pursue mindless activities instead of more difficult prep work. I’m pretty good at falling into this one!
Next blog: find confidence and keep your promises!
Keep Thoughts and Conversations Positive
My favorite summer book so far has been Today We Are Rich by Tim Sanders. In it, he encourages people to read books, to think purposefully about what they have read, and to discuss their insights with others. So that is what I’m going to do. In my next few blogs I will share some pearls of wisdom from Tim’s book. Then you can let me know which ones you think are most inspiring.
According to Tim, we are rich in spirit when we make a difference in people’s lives by giving. This creates a virtuous cycle because we receive when we give. But in order to be willing to give, we need to believe there is enough to go around. This belief comes from a strong sense of confidence. Tim offers 7 principles that he learned from his grandmother, Billye, that can help us to gain confidence and experience a sense of abundance in our lives.
The first principle is to feed your mind good stuff. What goes into your mind determines your thoughts and subsequent feelings and actions. So it is important to carefully select your brain food. Tim suggests not reading the news or your email until after you’ve been awake for an hour. During that time you should fill your mind with grateful thoughts, read good books, or have uplifting conversations. Waiting for an hour to read my email has definitely been the most challenging of all of Tim’s recommendations for me!
The second principle is to keep conversations positive. This starts with our internal conversations. One suggestion is to reframe bad news as simply a situation that requires a solution. This moves us from panic mode to planning mode.
For external conversations, the words we use are very powerful. Tim suggests using positive words and directing dialogue toward solutions by focusing on what you have. I love his point that complaining to someone about something is like sharing a cold to feel better. It doesn’t make you feel better, but it makes them feel worse. This is something I need to remember!
Next blog: be grateful, be generous and be prepared!
Negative emotions are bad for us. When we experience stress, anger or fear our body generates chemicals that have harmful effects on our body. The health risks of negativity include gastrointestinal problems, cardiovascular problems, hormonal imbalances, and a weaker immune system.
Yet as much as we may try to avoid it, life gives us negativity. Fortunately, we can eliminate the negative emotions caused by events beyond our control by intentionally creating positive emotions. Positivity puts the brakes on negativity. It actually pushes negativity out of our system, because we can’t experience negative and positive emotions at the same time.
In a recent conference on happiness and its causes, Buddhist monk Mathieu Ricard explained positive and negative emotions like hot and cold water coming out of a faucet. You can’t get hot water if the cold water is also turned on. Positivity acts like the cold water in a faucet preventing the water from getting hot; that is preventing the flow of negative emotions.
The next time you are going through a difficult moment and are experiencing negative emotions, make an intentional effort to generate positive emotions instead.
- One way to do this is through gratitude. In his book, Today We Are Rich, Tim Sanders quotes his grandmother saying “You can’t be hateful when you are grateful.” Gratefulness pushes fear and anxiety out of your mind, replacing it with positive emotions.
- Another way to replace negativity with positivity is through loving kindness meditation. All you need to do is close your eyes and think of someone you love. Imagining the face of a loved-one – a spouse, a child, a parent – immediately generates feelings of caring and compassion.
- Finally, if you are experiencing a personal tragedy, try to find something positive on which you can focus. It may be the kindness of friends, discovering strength you didn’t know you had, or simply reminding yourself that “this too shall pass”.
Don’t let negative events harm you! Put the brakes on negativity by intentionally generating positive emotions.
Learning Goals Keep You Positive
According to Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Standford University, the way people view their intelligence depends on their mindset. In her book Mindset, she explains how some people believe that intelligence is fixed; while others believe it is malleable. People who believe intelligence is fixed tend to adopt performance goals. They seek positive evaluations of their competence, wanting people to think they are smart or capable. A typical goal at work might be to get a good performance evaluation or a raise. A personal goal might be to lose 10 pounds.
People who perceive intelligence as something that can be increased tend to adopt learning goals. They desire to increase their competence by improving their skills or mastering new tasks. A typical work goal might be to learn a more efficient procedure or to attend a leadership conference. A personal goal might be to learn to cook healthier recipes or to learn a new exercise regime.
While both perspectives can lead to achievement, a learning goal orientation encourages people to attempt challenges and helps them to stay positive in the face of set backs. People with performance goals are risk averse. They avoid challenges, especially if they question their ability, because if they don’t do well they conclude they aren’t good enough, attributing their failure to a lack of ability or intelligence.
People with learning goals are more likely to attribute failure to a lack of effort or to the fact that they are still learning. If they don’t do something well now that doesn’t mean they can’t improve and do it better in the future. They stay positive in the face of failure because their self-esteem isn’t affected.
Your mindset plays a crucial role in your positivity. Choosing to see your intelligence as something that can be increased will encourage you to pursue learning goals. This will motivate you to seek out challenges, to grow, and to keep going despite setbacks.
Hire People With Positive Attitudes
Positive people are more successful than negative people. Among other things they are more productive, more creative, better team players, and healthier.
According to Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, “seventy-five percent of job success is predicted not by intelligence and technical skills, but by three other factors: the belief that your behavior matters, which is optimism; your social support at work; and whether or not you see stress as a challenge or as a threat.” These are all characteristics of positive people.
Therefore, if companies want successful employees they should hire people with positive attitudes. While it is true that our attitude is in large part due to our thoughts and actions, meaning we can choose to be positive, some people just don’t want to be happy. They are proud of the fact that they are realistic while happy people have their heads in the clouds.
Negative people who don’t feel there is a need to change may never make the effort required to become more positive. Not only will this hurt their likelihood of success, but their negative energy will also decrease the productivity of people around them.
Yet despite the importance of a positive attitude for success, most companies focus on technical skills or intelligence when making hiring decisions. They don’t realize that it is often easier to change what people know than to change who they are. They may hire a genius, but if he has a negative attitude it will get in the way of his success and that of his colleagues.
Don’t underestimate the power of positivity when deciding who to hire. It is more important than you may think!
