What to do When Stressed
Stress is the price we pay for a meaningful life. It arises when something we care about is threatened. Work, relationships, and politics can cause stress because they are things that matter to us. So, instead of striving for a stress-free life where nothing matters, we should focus on learning how to manage stress effectively.
The first thing you need to do when feeling stressed about something is to determine whether you have any control over the situation. If so, then problem solving is the answer. Identify one thing you can do that would make a difference and do it. Don’t avoid the issue; take action.
If you don’t have control, acceptance is critical. Accept the situation for what it is and focus on what you can control, which is your response. Fortunately, there are many things we can do to manage our stress in these circumstances.
I’ve been using the presidential campaign as an opportunity to try out different stress management strategies. I care deeply about this election and having no control over the outcome (other than my vote) is very stressful. My well-being depends on my ability to take actions that will help me stay calm and avoid feeling overwhelmed.
If you are feeling the same way, here’s a list of things you can try:
- Submerge your face in ice water – this activates the vagus nerve, which triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to calm you down. You can also hold an ice cube to your face or put an ice pack on your neck. In other words, find a way to “chill out”!
- Lie with your legs up the wall – this also calms you down by activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
- Do a half smile – gently raising the corners of your lips into a small smile reduces the tension in your face and sends a signal to your brain that everything’s OK, which can trigger the release of mood-boosting hormones.
- Listen to “Weightless” by Marconi Union – it was created to promote deep relaxation. One study found it reduced participant anxiety by 65%.
- Stick to a plan, not a mood – plan healthy meals, schedule exercise, commit to a bedtime and stick with it. Don’t skip healthy behaviors because you don’t feel like doing them!
- Control your technology – constant distractions from your phone cause your brain to produce the stress hormone cortisol. Minimize distractions by silencing notifications, scheduling times to use social media, and occasionally leaving your phone behind (on a walk, during a meal, in a meeting).
- Practice gratitude – write down 3 things every night for which you are thankful. When we feel grateful, our brains release dopamine and serotonin, which improve our mood.
- Journal – writing about your thoughts and feelings related to a stressful situation can provide calm and clarity.
I saved the best for last:
- Slow breathing – this is one of the quickest, easiest ways to calm down because slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Box breathing is a good technique, but there are many others to choose from. Or you could try an app like Calm, Headspace, or Breathwrk.
- Exercise – exercise stimulates the production of endorphins, which boost your mood and decrease cortisol levels. Regular exercise helps you sleep better, which also reduces stress.
Remember: If you are stressed about something you have control over, take action to change the situation. If you are stressed about something you can’t control, take action to manage your stress.
I recently took a Peloton ride with Hannah Frankson that was all about balance. The first half of the ride was dedicated to resistance, while the second half focused on speed. During the arm section in the middle, we worked on our biceps and then our triceps. All the songs were by music duos!
This experience led me to reflect on the importance of balance for our well-being. The healthiest diet is a balanced diet, which involves eating a wide variety of foods in the right proportion. A balanced workout should include a mix of aerobic fitness, strength training, flexibility exercises, and stretching, with a balance between exertion and recovery.
Balance is also important for our mental health. We need to ensure we allocate time for both work and leisure. Work enhances our well-being by giving us a sense of purpose, financial security, and social connections. However, working too much can lead to stress and burnout. Our relationships are stronger when we spend quality time together, while also respecting each other’s need for personal space.
Duality is the idea that life is a balance of opposing forces, such as love and hate, peace and war, good and evil. Duality replaces ‘this or that’ thinking with ‘this and that’. Understanding and accepting duality can enhance well-being by fostering resilience and reducing stress. Recognizing that life includes both positive and negative experiences and that emotions like joy and sorrow can coexist helps us manage our feelings more effectively, leading to a healthier emotional life. Duality deepens our appreciation of life. We need darkness to appreciate light, fear to value safety, and sadness to appreciate happiness.
Balance and duality both involve the coexistence of opposing forces working together to create harmony. Embracing duality means experiencing multiple emotions at once and accepting that negative experiences can foster growth and help you appreciate the good times. Balance is about creating harmony across different areas of your life.
Greater well-being comes from accepting duality and striving for balance. How might you become more open to life’s opposing forces? Are there any areas where you could create more balance in your own life?
Think Globally to Make Better Choices
Each day we are faced with dozens of choices that affect our well-being. What will I eat? Will I exercise today? What time will I go to bed? We typically think about each of these decisions in isolation. When I wake up, I think about what I’ll have to eat. Later I will decide if I’m going to exercise.
Behavioral scientists refer to making decisions in isolation as thinking locally. Another option is to think globally by making several decisions at once. Local thinking tends to cause us to focus on the present moment. What do I want right now? Grouping choices together, also known as choice bracketing, helps us consider the long-term consequences of our actions, which often leads to healthier choices.
If I have to make a decision every day about going to the gym, there will be days when I’m tired and really don’t feel like going. So I’ll skip that day, no big deal. But if I think globally about the impact of skipping the days I don’t feel like exercising over the next month or year, I’ll probably decide that I’m better off going, even if I’m tired. Maybe I’m craving ice cream after dinner. I’ve had a long day and decide that I deserve a treat. But if I thought about it more globally, would I choose to have ice cream after every long day for the next month? Probably not.
Grouping decisions together can help you make better choices by making the aggregate impact of your choices more clear. What if instead of deciding each day whether to exercise, you decide on Sunday to exercise at least 3 times in the coming week? Or you decide you will have ice cream no more than once a week. You could group exercise and food decisions together, perhaps deciding you will only have pasta on the days that you go to the gym.
Choice bracketing also helps people make better financial decisions. When thinking locally, you may decide to buy a Starbucks coffee most mornings. If you think globally about how much you will spend at Starbucks over the course of a year, you might decide to make coffee at home a few days a week.
If I think locally about whether to have a glass of wine in the evenings while cooking or having dinner, I will likely have a glass of wine most nights. I know this isn’t ideal for my well-being. So instead, I think about it globally. I look at my calendar on Sunday and I choose a few nights in the upcoming week that I will not have any alcohol. Making the decision for a week’s worth of behaviors lets me consider the cumulative impact of daily actions on my health. What decisions will you try to think about globally to improve your well-being?
Good Energy for Better Health
In her book Good Energy, Casey Means argues that all diseases have the same root cause. She describes how our modern lifestyle prevents our cells from getting the energy they need to function properly. Metabolism is the set of cellular processes that transform food into the energy required by every single cell in our body. When cells are inadequately powered, they become dysfunctional, which leads to disease.
Three bad things happen when our cells don’t get enough energy: 1) the mitochondria in our cells, which are responsible for converting food energy into cellular energy, don’t work properly, 2) the resulting unhealthy cells send out distress signals that leads to chronic inflammation, and 3) the cells create damaging waste called free radicals, which cause oxidative stress.
These three dysfunctions play a key role in nearly every chronic health issue. Bad energy can cause Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, respiratory disease, arthritis, cancer, dementia, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic pain, infertility, sinus infections and migraines, autoimmune conditions, and chronic fatigue.
Here are ways you can help your cells get the energy they need:
- Move frequently throughout the day, aiming for at least 7,000 steps, and do some resistance training.
- Eat a diet that maximizes micronutrients and antioxidants from fruits and veggies, omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, fermented foods, and protein and removes refined added sugars, refined vegetable and seed oils, and refined grains.
- Eat at consistent times and reduce your eating window by cutting off food intake early in the evening.
- Prioritize the quantity and quality of your sleep and have a consistent bedtime and wake time.
- Go outside within an hour of waking, spend as much time as possible outdoors, and minimize exposure to bright light after sundown.
- Expose yourself to extreme temperatures, like saunas or cold showers.
- Try to minimize your exposure to toxins by eating organic food, avoiding plastics, and using clean, unscented products.
- Manage your stress through breathing exercises, meditation, journaling, practicing gratitude, spending time in nature, or therapy.
Which good energy habits will you try out this week?
Embracing Awe
I wrote a blog about awe just before the Rio Olympics. Anticipating the Olympics in Paris has made me think about awe again. In his book on the topic, Dacher Keltner defines awe as “the emotion we experience when we encounter vast mysteries that we don’t understand.” It brings us joy, meaning, and a sense of community. Awe is linked to increased creativity, enhanced cognitive capacities, and greater kindness and compassion.
When you experience awe, your sense of self disappears. You feel like you are a small part of something much larger. Keltner demonstrated this in a study where one group of people spent time in Yosemite National Park and another group visited Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. When he asked the participants to draw themselves on a piece of paper, the self-drawings of the people looking at the awesome view of the park were 33 percent smaller than those of the people looking at the wharf.
Experiencing awe reduces our stress levels. We ruminate less about the past and worry less about the future because awe helps put these concerns into perspective. Feeling part of a larger whole can also reduce the loneliness that so many people experience today.
Keltner identifies eight wonders of life that can inspire awe:
- moral beauty – acts of kindness, strength, courage, and overcoming obstacles by others
- collective effervescence – shared experiences during events, like concerts or graduations
- nature
- music
- visual design, art, and architecture
- spirituality and religion
- epiphanies – moments when we learn something profound that reshapes our world view
- life and death
Research shows that people experience awe two to three times a week. The most common source of awe is moral beauty. Here are some ways to up your awe:
- Watch the Olympics – the remarkable physical and mental strength displayed by the athletes and the challenges they overcome is truly awe inspiring
- Attend a live sporting event – in addition to witnessing the moral beauty demonstrated by the athletes, you will experience the collective effervescence of watching and celebrating together with others
- Take an awe walk – spending time in nature and focusing on trees, water, a sunrise, a sunset, or the night sky reminds you of the vast mysteries of the natural world (watching a National Geographic documentary also works)
- Go to a live concert – you will be awed by the complexity of the music, the emotions you feel, and the collective effervescence you experience while moving in unison with others
- Visit a museum – looking at art can stir your emotions, cause you to see the world in a different way, and connect you to something larger than yourself
- Read books or watch movies of inspiring people
Regular doses of awe can boost your well-being. What will you do to bring more awe into your life?
Just Add Water
Over the years, I’ve learned that any time I feel a headache coming on, if I drink water, it almost always goes away. Headaches are one of the many ways dehydration can negatively impact our physical and mental health.
Dehydration can lead to lower blood pressure. When this happens your heart rate increases to maintain blood flow, which can strain your cardiovascular system. It also causes the headache. Dehydration puts stress on your kidneys, impairs muscle function, can lead to heat exhaustion or heatstroke, and negatively impacts digestion and nutrient absorption.
Dehydration also affects mental health. It has been linked to anxiety, depression, fatigue, difficulty focusing, and confusion. Not drinking enough water can cause a decrease in the mood regulating hormone serotonin. One study of over 3,000 adults found those who drank more water had a lower risk of anxiety and depression. Another study found when people drank less water than usual, they felt less happy and more tense. Dehydration can cause neurons to die off, which negatively impacts memory and cognition. This can happen quickly, which is why people lost in the desert often make poor decisions.
How much water we need depends on age, weight, climate, and activity level. Rather than trying to drink a specific amount of water each day, focus on drinking water throughout the day. I start my day with a big glass of water to help my body recover from overnight dehydration. Sometimes when you have a hunger craving you are actually thirsty. That’s because the hunger center and thirst center are very close to one another in the brain. If you have a craving, drink a glass of water first to see if that satisfies it.
In addition to water, coffee and tea, especially green tea, are healthy beverages that can help you stay hydrated. They both have high levels of polyphenols and anti-oxidants that contribute to health and longevity. Consuming coffee or green tea regularly may reduce the risk of cancer, cardiovascular disease, Type 2 diabetes, and dementia.
Drinking plenty of water is a simple thing that is so important for your physical and mental health. Making sure to drink enough water, coffee, or tea throughout the day is an easy step that you can take to positively impact your well-being. As summer approaches it is even more critical to make sure you are staying hydrated!
How Rituals Make Life Better
I’ve written before about the many routines that I’ve incorporated into my daily life. They make it easier for me to remember to do things that are good for my well-being. These routines bring me closer to my goals.
So how are rituals different from routines? According to Harvard professor Michael Norton, routines are something we do, whereas rituals are about how we do them. They are “emotional catalysts that energize, inspire, and elevate us.” Rituals add something to our lives that enriches them, helping us savor our experiences. They impact us on an emotional level.
In his book, The Ritual Effect, Norton gives many examples of rituals. There are traditional rituals that have been passed down for centuries, like religious events, rites of passage, or tea ceremonies. There are also rituals that have been newly created by individuals, couples, or groups. Maybe it’s eating a square of dark chocolate after dinner or walking to the farmer’s market with your spouse every Saturday morning or using a special plate for family birthdays.
Rituals can help us feel more in control when facing challenging situations. They can increase feelings of trust in relationships. Rituals can help alleviate performance anxiety. Family rituals can increase our sense of belonging. And rituals can give us a greater sense of meaning in life.
The same set of behaviors can be viewed as a routine by one person and as a ritual by another. We can also change the way we think about our behaviors. I’m trying to be more mindful of some of my routines so that I can shift from a “habit” mindset to a “ritual” mindset. According to Norton, focusing on how I perform these daily behaviors can bring more pleasure and purpose, and maybe even a bit of magic, to my life.
Why We Can’t Get Enough
Most of us know what we should do and what we shouldn’t do to be happier and healthier. Yet knowing is a lot easier than doing. Despite being aware that certain behaviors aren’t good for us, we keep doing them. We struggle to make short-term sacrifices that would reap benefits in the long run. Why? Because we aren’t wired that way.
In his book, Scarcity Brain, Michael Easter describes how our brains developed in times of scarcity, where survival depended on taking as much as we could get when we were lucky enough to find it. Unfortunately, a scarcity mindset is maladapted to our current world of abundance. This evolutionary mismatch affects many of our behaviors ranging from overeating to excessive phone use to overspending.
The scarcity loop is a three-part habit cycle: 1) opportunity is the chance to gain something of value, 2) unpredictable rewards entails the suspense of knowing you’ll probably get a reward, but you don’t know when or what it will be, and 3) quick repeatability means the behavior can be repeated rapidly which reinforces the loop. Casino slot machines are a perfect example of the scarcity loop in action.
Our brains developed this behavior cycle when food was scarce. Those who survived were motivated to repeat a behavior over and over until they found a bush with berries or an animal to chase down. With an abundance of food, the scarcity loop causes us to overeat. In addition to food, humans crave information, things, and influence. That’s why the scarcity loop also drives us to scroll through social media, buy products online that have a limited-time discount, and swipe-swipe-swipe on dating apps.
Recognizing how the scarcity loop affects your behavior is the first step in trying to tame it. Being mindful can help you notice when you’re caught in the cycle. You can stop the loop by removing the opportunity, removing the reward, or slowing the repetition.
Removing junk food from my house means I don’t have the opportunity to eat it. Cooking my meals and eating whole foods makes repetition much slower than grabbing take-out or a bag of chips. Keeping my phone in another room removes the opportunity to check it constantly. You can also leverage the scarcity loop to do things that are good for you. Having healthy food in your home increases the opportunity to eat it. Taking different routes when you run can make the experience more unpredictable.
The next time you reach for one more cookie or click on next episode, pause to remind your scarcity brain that you may already have enough.
Adam Grant wants us to redefine success as how far we’ve come rather than how well we are doing in comparison to others. “The true measure of success is not the height if the peak you’ve reached, but how far you’ve climbed to get there.” He also wants us to place less value on innate ability and to celebrate learning instead. We can all work to become better. Amen to both!
Yet both suggestions are easier said than done. Social comparison is a natural human tendency and learning is hard! First, we need to make intentional efforts to remind ourselves what our ability level was in the past, so we can appreciate what we have achieved. We also need to make the pursuit of mastery a little easier. Grant provides several suggestions for this in his book Hidden Potential:
1) Embrace discomfort – We learn by challenging ourselves and this requires doing things outside our comfort zone. Struggling to learn a foreign language is a great example. When I was learning Spanish, I was so embarrassed by how poorly I spoke. But I knew the only way to get better was to keep speaking it despite how uncomfortable I felt.
2) Have fun – Another key to building skills is to have fun. Deliberate play is a way to structure learning so that it’s enjoyable. You can add variety by changing up the routine or turn learning into a game. When you make learning fun, you are more likely to stick with it.
3) Reject perfectionism – Perfectionists obsess about details that don’t matter, avoid challenges that might lead to failure, and berate themselves for mistakes. All three of these are major impediments to learning. We do much better when we strive for progress rather than perfection, understanding that mistakes are the path to growth.
4) Ask for and give advice – Feedback is focused on what you did right or wrong in the past. Advice focuses on what you can do better in the future so you can improve. Giving advice to others can also help you. We tend to give people advice that we could also use. Grant cites a study where high school students who gave advice to younger students earned better grades themselves.
You have the potential to achieve your goals. Celebrate the progress you’ve already made and keep learning!
New Year, New Habits
Over the years, I’ve been adding well-being habits to my daily routine. Discovering the science of positive psychology led me to practice gratitude and start meditating to boost my happiness. After reading more about the negative impact of eating meat on my health and on the planet, I stopped eating meat. Learning about hormesis, that small amounts of stress enhance health and slow aging, led me to add habits like intermittent fasting, HIIT workouts, and cold showers to my routine.
This year I’m adding new habits to flatten my glucose curves. Reading the Glucose Revolution helped me understand the negative impact glucose spikes have on my health.
Eating carbs floods our bodies with glucose. Some of it is stored in the liver and muscles and the rest is stored as fat. When we eat more glucose than our cells need for energy, the result is a glucose spike. Spikes cause our cells to release free radicals. Too many free radicals lead to a state of oxidative stress, which causes heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, cognitive decline, and aging. Bottom line, glucose spikes are not good for us!
But there is good news! You don’t have to give up carbs to avoid glucose spikes. There are several hacks you can use when eating starch or sugar to slow down the amount of and the speed at which glucose is absorbed. And that will flatten your curves.
Here are some things you can do:
- Eat fiber first, then protein and fat, then carbs – There are three ways fiber reduces glucose absorption: 1) it slows gastric emptying, 2) it reduces the action of the enzyme that breaks starch down, and 3) it creates a mesh that makes it harder for glucose to enter the blood stream. Fat also slows gastric emptying.
- Start with something green – Because fiber reduces glucose spikes, a good hack is to eat your veggie first. If are going to a restaurant or party and don’t plan to eat veggies, have a few baby carrots or something green before heading out.
- Eat a savory breakfast – In a fasted state carbs are digested more quickly, so breakfast is the worst time to eat sugars and starches. A glucose spike from a sweet food is worse than from a starchy food because it also creates a fructose spike, so it’s better to have a savory breakfast.
- Eat dessert, not a sweet snack – If you are craving something sweet, don’t have it alone as a snack. Wait until after a meal so the food you’ve eaten will minimize the glucose spike.
- Don’t eat carbs alone – Just like eating sugar alone causes a much bigger spike, so does eating any carb alone. If you are going to eat a carb, add some fiber, protein, or fat. Put some butter or olive oil on your bread, add veggies to your pasta, eat some peanut butter with your apple or cheese with those crackers, have some nuts with your beer.
- Move after you eat – Every muscle contraction burns up glucose, so moving after meals reduces spikes. Glucose goes to muscles instead of fat reserves. Go for a 10-to-20-minute walk after eating or do some push-ups, squats, or planks.
- Add vinegar – Consuming vinegar flattens glucose spikes. The acetic acid in vinegar temporarily inactivates the enzyme that transforms sugar and starch into glucose, so it is absorbed more slowly. Choose vinaigrette for your salad. Drinking a tablespoon of vinegar with water or tea up to 20 minutes before or after your meal will also do the trick.
Flattening your glucose curves will not only make you healthier but you will experience fewer cravings, less hunger, and increased energy. Why not give it a try with some of these hacks?
