Forgiveness Sets You Free
Forgiveness is a key strategy for increasing happiness. It helps you transform the impact of a hurtful event so that you are not overwhelmed by negative emotions. People who are able to forgive spend less time dwelling on the harm that was done to them, which frees them from the negativity associated with those memories. Positive emotions are no longer crowded out and they are able to move forward.
Yet for many people forgiveness is the most difficult positivity-enhancing strategy to carry out. One reason for this is that they equate forgiveness with excusing the behavior that caused them harm. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what was done. It means letting go of resentment. You can forgive a person without excusing the act.
When forgiving someone you can start by acknowledging your feelings of bitterness or betrayal, then make a conscious decision to let go of the anger and live in the present. Having empathy makes it easier to forgive. Forgiveness involves trying to understand why the person did what they did. For more specific guidance on learning to forgive check out Dr. Eileen Borris-Dunchunstang’s book Finding Forgiveness. In it she describes a 7-step program for letting go of anger and bitterness.
Not only is forgiveness important for your own happiness, it also positively impacts work outcomes. A culture of forgiveness at work where employees support each other and don’t look for fault when mistakes are made leads to higher levels of team performance. Leaders can help to create this kind of culture by modeling forgiveness. When something harmful occurs in the workplace they should acknowledge the harm that was done, but then focus on the future rather than dwell on the negative.
How good are you at forgiving? Are you holding onto something negative from your past that prevents you from enjoying good things in the present? As a leader, do you create a positive culture by modeling forgiveness? Why not pick one thing today that you can start trying to let go of?
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Forgiveness brings you peace. It might be hard to do, but it works!
Dealing with Negative People
People have asked me what they can do when there is someone in their life who is negative. The truth is that we can work really hard to be more positive ourselves, but we still might have to interact with people at work or in our personal lives who are negative. And since negativity is so strong it can really zap our energy.
One way to deal with negative people is to try to modify the situation. Perhaps the way you interact with the other person is part of the problem. Does the way you feel about the person affect your behavior toward them? What would happen if you expressed more appreciation for the person? Could you try to be friendlier or show more interest in what they say? Using empathy to try to understand why someone is negative might help you to respond more effectively. Try writing down a list of things you like about the person and reflecting on them. This could put you into a more positive frame of mind before interacting with the person. If you are able to make the interaction more positive using humor or being more compassionate, the other person may respond with less negativity.
The Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, tells a wonderful story that expresses the idea of dealing with negative people beautifully. He says,
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look into the reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.”
The next time you are dealing with a negative person, see what you can do to make the interaction more positive. Try to view it as a challenge to see how compassionate and understanding you can be. And let me know if it works!
I his latest book, Drive, Daniel Pink suggests that trying to motivate people with external rewards like money is a mistake. His argument is based on years of scientific research that shows when people are given rewards for doing something that they started doing because they enjoyed it, they will stop doing it when the reward is removed. That is, giving people external rewards for doing something can reduce their internal motivation. They now do it only to get the reward.
This is exactly what happened the other day to a friend of mine’s daughter. Our children’s school has a reading program that rewards kids with a marble for every book they read. They put their marbles in a jar and every week a marble is drawn and that person gets a prize. School was almost out, so the library ended the program for the year. My friend took her daughter, who was the top reader in her Kindergarten class this year, to the library to get another book. When her daughter saw that the bin with marbles was gone she asked where they were and was told the program had ended. She then turned to her mom and said “Forget it, I don’t want a book if there are no more marbles.”
It works the same way with adults. One study found that fewer people donate blood when they are paid to do so. People tend to donate blood because they see it as an altruistic act; they are doing something good. If you pay them for donating blood it becomes a business transaction, not a good deed. Monetary incentives at work do not improve the quality of performance and they actually hurt creativity. In a recent article Pink tells the story of two companies that eliminated commissions for their salespeople and saw sales increase as a result.
Companies need to rethink the way they motivate their people, keeping in mind the danger of extrinsic motivators. Yes, they do need to pay employees enough so that money isn’t an issue. But beyond that people are motivated by interesting, challenging work. They want freedom to make decisions about how to accomplish their goals and they want to feel like they are making a difference.
Are you intrinsically motivated? Do you do what you do because you enjoy it or do you do it to get more marbles? What about your employees? Do they have the opportunity to use their strengths at work, to try new things, and to make a valuable contribution? Or do you think I’m crazy?
Keep it Positive by Sharing Information
Dr. Theresa Welbourne and her colleagues found some pretty unexpected results in a recent study they did on employee engagement. Employees who reported the most positive attitudes toward their managers in 2008 had the lowest engagement scores in 2009. What? The researchers were quite surprised, so they took a closer look at the data. It turns out that the companies where this effect was the strongest happened to be those that had suffered the most during the recession, having more layoffs, more negative events, etc. So they concluded that “manager letdown syndrome” was responsible for the results. Employees who had the most positive opinions of their managers were the most disappointed when things got ugly. So the question is, “What does the manager do?”
Leading in hard times is not easy! One positive step that leaders can take is to foster an environment of trust by being transparent and sharing information. According to Quint Studer, author of Straight A Leadership: Alignment, Action, Accountability, companies with open, free-flowing information do much better in difficult economies. Leaders should share both good and bad information with their employees. The more open and honest they are, the more trust they will build.
When information is shared openly employees are more likely to understand why certain tough decisions have to be made. If employees are aware of the financial situation their organization is facing they will realize that their company may not have a choice and cutbacks are necessary. If cuts do have to be made, leaders should openly communicate how many are being made, whether they will be all at once or over time, and what steps are being taken to assure the security of employees who remain. When this information is not communicated, rumors become rampant and trust is undermined.
Managers build positive relationships by sharing information regarding profits, costs, productivity, customers, and strategy with their employees. The more transparent they are the more trusted they will be. And the less likely they will fall into the trap of “manager letdown syndrome” when times are tough. Things will still be hard, but employees will have a better understanding of what is going on and why certain decisions are made.
Does your company share information openly? Do you build trust thought transparency? Or do you feel uncomfortable sharing sensitive information with your team? Let us know what you think!
The Good Life at Work
Aristotle said that the greatest human good is to live the good life. So just what is the “good life”? According to Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, Aristotle was talking about successfully using your strengths in the pursuit of activities that fully engage you. It’s about more than happiness or feeling good, it’s about doing good.
People inherently want to do well, to lead successful, fulfilling lives. Work can provide a perfect opportunity for living the good life. Companies that create and maintain environments where people thrive reap benefits such as greater creativity, productivity, and engagement. Everybody wins when life is good!
Two of the most important things that organizations can do to help their employees live the good life at work are to focus on strengths and meaning.
Strengths
People who know what their strengths are and have the opportunity to apply their strengths on a daily basis are happier, more productive, and more likely to experience flow. Flow is a state of intense involvement with the present moment. It occurs when people are deeply engaged in a challenging task that is well matched to their strengths. People tend to experience flow more often when they are working.
Meaning
In his classic 1972 book Working, Studs Terkel described work as a search for “daily meaning as well as daily bread”. Studies show that meaningful work is the job feature that Americans value most. They want to feel that their work contributes to the greater good. It is important to make sure that your employees understand how the work they do makes a difference.
National Geographic employees work for a company that has been “inspiring people to care about the planet since 1888.” Life is good® employees help kids in need through their foundation and festivals. Starbucks baristas know that “it’s just a moment in time — just one hand reaching over the counter to present a cup to another outstretched hand. But it’s a connection.”
Does your company help people live the good life? Do your employees have the opportunity to use their strengths every day? Are they inspired because they know they are making a meaningful difference?
Do Women Really have a Choice?
I strongly believe that positive organizations are inclusive. They recognize the value of diversity and take intentional steps to create environments where all individuals can thrive. Unfortunately, too many companies fall short of being truly inclusive. They have work structures and cultures that are not welcoming to all, especially not to women.
The issue of women in business, particularly the lack of women at higher levels, is a topic that inspires much debate. Two recent contributions to the debate include a post on Harvard Business School’s leadership blog by Barbara Kellerman entitled “The abiding tyranny of the male leadership model – A manifesto” and a newly released book, The War on Moms, by Sharon Lerner.
Based on the research I have done on women’s careers, I’ve come to believe that the women who walk away from their careers to care for their children in many cases do not really have a choice. They might say they “choose” to stay home, but a choice means you have options. The rigid way in which work is structured in many companies makes continuing to work while raising a family not a viable option.
Work structures and cultures have changed very little since the Industrial Revolution when traditional male employees had few responsibilities outside of work. Despite the fact that the workforce has changed, face time and sacrifice continue to be used to judge employee performance and commitment. The number of hours spent at the office, the ability to attend early or late meetings, and a willingness to travel with a moment’s notice often determine who gets promoted.
Women, who typically have significant non-work responsibilities, are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to compete in these cultures. Staying is not an option, so they leave. I believe this is why there are so few women in positions of middle and upper management in larger companies. Many women prefer to start their own companies or join smaller firms where they are able to achieve success working on their own terms. Until companies start judging performance based on results and not presence, women will continue to look for or create for themselves better options.
How inclusive is your company? Do the cultural values and policies support a diverse workforce? Do employees have a choice about how to achieve results? I’d love to know what you think!
Clarify and Communicate Expectations
In addition to th
e importance of having norms valuing results not presence, increasing autonomy also requires that goals and expectations be clearly and frequently communicated.
Autonomy goes hand in hand with accountability. Instead of controlling when, where and how people work, the focus moves to holding them accountable for results. Having clear goals is less important when performance is judged based on presence. Employees can spend hours looking busy at work without really accomplishing anything. When performance is measured based on output rather than hours, people need to have a clear idea of what results they are expected to deliver.
So instead of spending their time walking around to make sure everyone is at their desk looking busy, managers should spend their time communicating with people in order to assure that everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing. Leaders also need to communicate how people’s individual goals tie in with the organization’s goals. Motivation is enhanced when people understand how their work contributes to the company’s success, when they see how their piece fits into the overall puzzle.
My son played soccer when he was younger. He spent many hours at practice where the coach taught them the rules of the game and helped them to hone their skills. Each player knew what position he played, what his role was, and what the team was trying to accomplish. It was such fun to watch their games! The players were so engaged! Each one did his part, giving his very best effort in order to win the game. I often thought how great it would be if people were that engaged at work. Well they can be! They just need to know what the company is trying to do, have clear goals regarding what is expected of them, and then be left alone to do everything they can to win the game.
Leaders demonstrate that they trust their employees by communicating expectations and giving them the freedom to decide how they will accomplish their goals. Do you know what is expected of you at work? How about the people you manage? If you asked them to prioritize their goals, how closely would their list coincide with yours? Why not set yourself a goal to spend less time controlling and more time communicating?
Results Matter, not Presence
Increasing autonomy requires a cultural transformation moving away from norms valuing physical presence at the office to norms valuing results. Autonomy is about giving people increased control, but also giving them increased accountability. This means that people don’t have to show up at the office every day. And if they do choose to show up it might be at 4:30 in the afternoon. It also means that employees are allowed to skip meetings if they feel that attending the meeting isn’t going to help them meet their objectives. But they do have to produce results!
Many managers don’t trust that their employees are working if they don’t actually see them working. Trusting your employees to get their work done is the basis for positive relationships. Some people work better late at night. Others prefer the early morning. People are more effective when given the freedom to work when they are inspired or free from distractions.
Cultural change through words
Leaders need to discourage negative comments from coworkers based on assumptions that work can only happen when you are physically present. The best way to do this is by focusing conversations on work not time. Questions should address what needs to be done, not what time someone arrived or how many hours they spent on a project. This will prevent people from wasting time and energy trying to come up with excuses for why they came to work “late” instead of spending that time and energy producing results.
Cultural change through actions
Leaders’ actions also play a key role in establishing cultural norms. They have to walk the talk in order to convince others that they truly believe work is something you do, not a place you go. Until leaders are seen leaving the office at 3:30 to attend their daughter’s softball game or taking a two-hour lunch break to fit in a trip to the gym, others won’t feel comfortable doing the same.
What kind of culture does your company have? Are people trusted to work when, where, and how they choose? See if you can keep conversations at work focused on results and not time.
Trust
Leaders build positive relationships by showing their followers that they trust them. People who feel that their leaders trust them have higher levels of performance, are more likely to help their colleagues, and have greater job satisfaction. In fact, being aware that their supervisor trusts them has a greater effect on subordinate behavior and attitudes than the trust they have in their supervisor.
Autonomy
One of the very best ways to show people that you trust them is to give them autonomy. Managers who try to control their subordinates undermine positivity by demonstrating a lack of trust. In addition to making people feel trusted, autonomy also helps to create a positive work experience by directly influencing people’s positive emotions. Autonomy is one of the key dimensions of psychological well-being. We have a strong need to control our lives and to make decisions based on our interests and values. So having autonomy increases our positivity.
Because autonomy is related to our well-being, a lack of autonomy at work has negative consequences. The most stressful jobs are those with high demands and low levels of control. Demanding jobs don’t lead to stress if the individual has autonomy to decide how to meet the demands. It is the lack of control combined with high job demands that causes stress.
ROWE
You can give your people more autonomy by implementing ROWE (Results-Only Work Environment) in your workplace. Cali Ressler and Jody Thompson came up with the concept of ROWE while working as HR professionals for Best Buy. ROWE is a management strategy where employees are evaluated on performance, not presence. They decide when, where, and how to work. The only thing that matters is that they meet their objectives. More than 3,000 Best Buy employees work in a ROWE and not only are they happier, their productivity has increased by an average of 35% and turnover rates in some divisions are down by 90%.
More and more companies are adopting ROWEs and are discovering similar results. In fact, the U.S. Office of Personnel Management has started a pilot ROWE program. That’s right, even the federal government is getting on board so that government workers will have the freedom to decide how to get their work done!
How much autonomy do your employees have? Do you trust them to get their work done? Would you be willing to implement ROWE where you work? I’d love to hear what you think!
Take Your Shoes Off!
Today TOMS is sponsoring “One Day Without Shoes” events all over the world so that people can imagine how it might feel to grow up barefoot. If you aren’t familiar with TOMS Shoes, it is a company founded by Blake Mycoskie based on a one for one business model: “With every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need”. So far TOMS has given away over 600,000 pairs of shoes. Pretty cool, huh? You can check out their story in this video.
Can you imagine the positive emotions that people who work for TOMS Shoes must experience on a daily basis? Practicing acts of kindness or helping others is one of the number one happiness-enhancing interventions and TOMS entire mission is based on giving to those in need. More and more businesses today are founded upon the idea that doing good and doing business aren’t mutually exclusive. They are also finding that people want to work for companies that make a difference in other people’s lives.
The good news is that leaders in any organization can create positive work environments where employees are engaged and committed by offering opportunities for their employees to help others. Cisco organizes volunteer projects in their local communities so that “Cisco Citizen” volunteers can give back. Goldman Sachs encourages their employees to volunteer through their Community TeamWorks program that involves people in projects ranging from building homes to working with the elderly and mentoring youth. Through the Starbucks Shared Planet Community Service Grants employees organize volunteer projects with local nonprofit organizations. And the list goes on.
So how do you encourage your employees to give back? Please share your stories of how your company involves its members in projects that let them make a difference in the lives of others.
