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You Don’t Win by Proving You Are Right

by Beth on April 24th, 2014

Relationships are strengthened through positive interactions. This means that too many arguments can hurt a relationship. When you get into an argument with someone with the aim of proving you are right nobody wins. Even if you get your way, the other person may still not agree, in which case the argument could come up again. Arguing can also do long-term damage to your relationship.

Disagreements don’t have to turn into arguments about who is right and who is wrong. When you disagree with someone it means the two of you have different points of view. A disagreement is really a shared problem that you need to work together to solve. Resolving the conflicting perspectives requires effective communication.

The key to solving any disagreement is listening. You both have to understand the other person’s needs in order to find a solution that will satisfy you both. When we argue we aren’t listening. We are focused on trying to prove we are right. We aren’t open to new information. On the contrary, when we listen to others we gain new insights. And when others listen to us we become more generous because they are showing that they care about us. Finding a solution will be much easier.

The next time you disagree with someone ask yourself if arguing until you “win” is worth the damage it might do to your relationship. Fighting with someone to prove you are right in an argument is a short-term goal. Try to keep things in perspective. What’s more important: the immediate gratification of winning an argument or having a stronger relationship in the long run?

Let go of the need to be right and focus instead on building a winning relationship.


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